Imagine watching the movie Star Wars with no sound. What would you see?

                 An intergalactic traffic stop. A Tunisian desert travelogue. A funny tavern commercial. A space travelogue. Some running down corridors getting shot at. A lot of space ships buzzing about. A big explosion. The end.

                 Now turn the sound on. Notice the difference.

                 It is interesting to note how each character has a different relationship with every other character. Han Solo tries to be a heroic role model for Luke, a smooth ladies’ man for Leia, a mouthy cynic to Ben Kenobi, a blood-brother to Chewbacca, intolerant of C3P0. And R2D2, a repair droid, is all but invisible to him. Every character has similar relationship networks.

                 Relationships. That is what drives the movie. Without relationships, it is merely a stream of interesting pictures. But add the relationships and suddenly it means something to us.

                 Our modern world is full of relationships. Often, as a HCP, we have too many. While relationships can bring us support, warmth, and companionship, they can also drain us.

                 Martin Buber, a noted Jewish theologian, wrote of four specific kinds of relationships in his seminal work I and Thou. These are readily adapted to we HCPs... and may lead to an ‘ouch’ moment. These four varieties of relationships according to Buber are:

                 I: Thou -- A love relationship, rare but deep

                 I: You -- A collegial relationship, one of respect

                 I: It -- A relationship with an inanimate tool

                 I: They -- A relationship with an ‘other’, an enemy.

                 Unfortunately, we HCPs, with the stresses and strains of our medical lives, at times look at our colleagues, coworkers, or employees as simply tools…an IV pole that goes back in a closet when it’s not needed by us, with no independent life.  And it’s easier to be impolite, curt, or short to an IV pole than to a real person. And our I:Theys? Well, it goes without saying that my rudeness at a 2:00 AM phone call clearly makes me a they in their eyes, just as the theys have just awakened me.

                 The trick is to take a good hard look at the people in our lives, and how we respond to them.

THE EXERCISE:

                 In the table below, in the left-most column, write down the names of all of the people that you run into starting first thing in the morning. They can be family, friends, acquaintances, colleagues, the person that you pick up the dry cleaning from, or, to be generous, “non-friends.” Put down everyone you come in contact with until lunch. If you don’t know their names, just identify them by role (the guy from the linen service, the cleaning person, the ward secretary).